I went to the ploughing championships in Offaly last week, all to be part of the yearly pilgrims of farmers and want-to-be a farmer for a day.

That early morning drive into a field, not knowing what kind of conditions will be waiting for you on the other side of the ditch; that sight when you see the flasks of tea and ham and cheese sandwiches being eaten, and knowing they won’t see another bite of food til at least 6pm that evening - cause if it’s not free, it’s not worth spending money on it!

When you get in the showgrounds you get that lung-full of air, a mix of smoke, mud, and that hopeful chipper van with the dream of selling that one breakfast roll.

The first job then is to find a stand giving away free tea, always remembering to stay inside your budget of zero euro to spend that day.

You get talking to a salesperson, knowing full well you’ll never buy it but make sure to talk enough to them (just in case they might take the tea off you).

You walk out of the stand with a business card and tell them to make sure and call to the farm next week.

Next, have look at the traffic on the walkways to assess where the least amount of traffic is, to take you on your next adventure.

You walk into the many long white tents who are selling anything you can dream of, but you don’t actually dream of anything there; you just see what’s free. You do, however, admire them for trying and coming up with some of the ideas

We go over to the machinery stand. Tractors over 250hp, and just imagine how that tractor will get in to your one-acre field on the side of hill.

Unless there was a Ford 4000 two-wheel drive tractor on the stand, you keep going.

Looking at sprayers with boom arms that could cover two or three acres in one go, but there I am still dreaming about how it would work in my one-acre fields.

However, the entrepreneur in me is still thinking I can get a 2-for-1 offer with the neighbours.

They can spray your field and neighbours’ in the one go, and be charging a ‘good rate’ with the neighbours, so you can make a few euro on the job.

The day is starting to move it after dinner, but of course you’re not getting dinner.

You head to the livestock area where you can count the cattle standing with one hand.

It was welcome to see showing back this year, with big bulls and cows with calves at foot: the best of stock to show the consumer, and them that want to be, one day, farmers with the best of Irish breeding.

Then you walk in to sheep tunnel to see every shape and size to suit everyone, and some easycare breeds. That said, they all look the same to me.

It’s now 5 o’clock so I better head back to the jeep.

As I wander away back to the exit, I pass every stand just see can I get anything free: a biro, a cap, a book.

You name it, I’ll take it.

As I open the door of jeep and sit down, I’m just thinking what a great day it is.

As I was driving down out of the field, I wind down the window to say thanks to the steward for leaving me out on the road.

He shouts at me, ‘Did you enjoy the ploughing?’ and I says back, ‘What ploughing?’