I’m supposed to be writing this column right now, but I keep rewatching Troy Parrott’s 96th-minute winner against Hungary. I’ve watched it seventeen times already this morning, and I’ll probably watch it another dozen before lunch. It’s like I’m 10 again, bouncing around my nana’s sitting room, ‘We’re all part of Jackie’s army’ going round in my head on a permanent loop.

Five goals in two games. Five! First the brace against Portugal on Thursday night, a 2-0 win at home that nobody saw coming, and then the hat-trick in Budapest on Saturday. Ireland were 2-1 down against Hungary with ten minutes to go, needing a win to make the World Cup playoffs. Parrott equalised in the 80th minute, and then, with virtually the last kick of the game, toe-poked home that glorious, beautiful, magnificent, historic, seismic third goal. Are we overreacting? Who cares?

The whole country’s gone mental. And why wouldn’t we? It’s been years, decades really, since we’ve had anything to shout about in Irish football. We’ve been wallowing in the doldrums, watching a team that seemed completely out of their depth and out of ideas. They appointed an Icelandic dentist and we all made jokes about how you’d need to be an expert in pulling teeth to watch this team on a regular basis. A few weeks ago we were talking about sending him back to Iceland with his P45; now they are talking about where to put the statue.

That’s what’s so mad about sport, isn’t it? One minute you’re convinced it’s all hopeless, the next minute you’re crying into your pint watching an interview with Troy Parrott’s granny. Parrott’s post-match interview, where he was absolutely sobbing and struggling to get any words out, seemed to unleash Oasis reunion-levels of emotion around the country.

The parrot-mania has reached Dublin Zoo, where they’ve named a macaw after him. Dublin Airport’s always reliable Twitter account joked about naming the airport after him. Are we overreacting? Who cares!

We’re not at the World Cup yet. It’s just a playoff spot in March. But after so many years of pulling teeth, this is something beautiful. And I’ll tell you what, I’m going to watch that goal one more time right now, just because I can.

A culture of entitlement

Speaking of pulling teeth, Denis O’Brien came out last week to tell us all we’ve gotten lazy. The trend towards remote working is ‘a mistake,’ apparently. We’ve developed an ‘entitlement culture’ where graduates are ‘dictating their work practices to employers.’ The whole thing’s destroyed Ireland’s work ethic and compromised our productivity.

I’d love to argue with him, but I can’t. I’ve spent the last three days rewatching a goal on Instagram.

Then Michael O’Leary weighed in with a job advert for a financial assistant, described as a ‘dogsbody to Michael O’Leary’, but you can’t apply if you’re a Dublin GAA fan, a Leinster rugby supporter, or a Manchester United fan. ‘Munster/Man City fans preferred’ it says. In bold.

As is always the case with Ryanair, the whole point of the advert is to have people like me take the bait and write about it, and I have. But after some of my recent experiences with the airline, I reckon we can do better than what Mr O’Leary and his ilk have to offer.

There’s a joke I love to tell. A rich boss drives up to his company HQ in a brand new Porsche. Two of his employees are outside, waiting to head into work and look on with envy at their boss cruising around in his new car.

The boss spots the pair and rolls down the window. ‘Like this car, guys?’ ‘Yes, boss,’ they say. ‘Tell ya what.’ says the boss, ‘one day, if you guys keep showing up, work real hard and give your all to this company, I could own two of these.’

There’s an AI revolution coming down the line which could significantly boost productivity across multiple sectors. In the past, these technological sea-changes have usually meant more work for the rest of us, rather than less. I reckon we should be giving two fingers to the productivity police this time around.

Hog in the spotlight

Speaking of overbearing personalities, I read this week that Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Stone are planning a Miss Piggy film. It’ll be Miss Piggy’s first solo movie despite her being around since the 1970s, a long wait for showbiz’s most famous ham.

This is brilliant news. Miss Piggy’s one of the great characters. Frank Oz, who created her, once described his approach as ‘a truck driver wanting to be a woman,’ which is perfect. She’s fierce, she’s fabulous, she takes no nonsense from Kermit (or anyone else), and she’s been a feminist icon for decades whether people realised it or not.

The Muppet Show’s celebrating its 50th anniversary next year with a special featuring Sabrina Carpenter, which is grand, but Miss Piggy deserves her own spotlight. About bloody time, if you ask moi.