Now is not the time to experiment: Emma dispenses some sage advice for the season

It’s the holiday season, so hoop-de-do and dickory dock, and don’t forget to hang up your sock …such are the timely words of Andy Williams. I’m not sure what universe he was living in but around here not only must you remember the socks, you also have to check if anyone needs new jocks. After that there’s the turkey, the gifts, the back-up gifts (that can’t look like back up gifts), the Christmas jumper days, the half-days, the flu jabs, and all the other jobs. It can feel like a lot. 

Do you know what the problem is? I think I peaked too soon, which is typical me. I had a premature surge of festive feelings and bonhomie a fortnight ago and now there’s a bit of fatigue setting in. A little like my Eucalyptus sprigs, I’m wilting a bit. But with a week still to go I need to pace myself to avoid Christmas burnout, and in the meantime here’s some seasonal advice that no one asked for, that comes with a health warning, but may be of use to someone.

First things first: at this stage in the game you must resist the urge to panic-buy, unless of course you’re just starting your shopping now. In that case, panic-buy like your life depends on it. But when it comes to ‘The Big Food Shop’, this advice is crucial and remember, the shops will reopen  in just a day! Think of the waste or indeed, your waist. 

I’m joking of course: this is no time to think of your waist. But seriously, it’s a real Irish thing to buy a tonne of stuff ‘for fear’ so have some sense and buy in moderation. Except when it comes to cheese. Buy a load of cheese. 

The main event, ‘The Dinner’ is what tips a lot of us over the edge. If you haven’t bagged yourself a seat at someone else’s table (and I don’t mean to brag but we have and it’s like winning the lottery!), keep it simple. If you’re a culinary genius knock yourself out, but the rest of us need to lower the expectations. There’s hours and hours of content on every platform at the moment from TikTok to plain old TV on how to do the potatoes, the vegetables (including sprouts three ways), the desserts, and the nibbly bits (and not a Pringle in sight). It all looks fabulous, and doable, but don’t be fooled because it’s not doable. Absolutely not, no way. 

Remember, these are mainly professional chefs and it’s their job to make it look easy. Don’t even believe the lovely Neven Maguire when he says ‘this is something you can do at home.’ Attempting to serve an elevated dinner, having just watched someone on Insta stories giving a 60 second demonstration, is like thinking you can do a Simone Biles routine when you can barely master a head-over-heels. 

It’s bonkers and will end badly, probably in tears. If, like me, you get flummoxed managing a two-drawer AirFryer, under no circumstances should you take on a blowtorch (I don’t care how lovely that crème brûlée looks). As for handling a mandolin to slice the potatoes? Unless you want to spend Christmas Eve in A&E, step away from it. I’d even suggest a carving knife is lethal if you’re feeling a bit frazzled. Take it from me: it’s ok to have regular every-day roasties, and there’s no shame in buying the potato gratin and the red cabbage. I’m a martyr for the stuffing so I’ll always make that myself and anyway, with enough butter you can’t go wrong. And remember a generous dusting of icing sugar will rescue even the biggest baking disasters, along with a good dollop of cream.

No need for the amateur chef to get fancy with the roast spuds.

Another good seasonal tip, that works year-round actually, is to think before you speak. It’s a time of year that people of all ages find themselves under the same roof and tempers can fray so the best thing a lot of the time, is not to say anything at all. Don’t comment on anyone’s appearance, or how they did the roasties. Don’t share your thoughts on Trump or even the cost of living; take the day off from the complaining. The weather is always a safe bet. It’s usually disappointingly mild on Christmas day so that’s a good topic to get you through to the trifle. 

‘Fierce mild, but wasn’t it the same last year don’t you remember, and it’s meant to be very mild all week until the middle of the week after when there’s a change…’. You know the drill by now.

And if the silence around the table is getting a bit awkward, whip out a board game. It’s a brilliant way for everyone to get out of their heads, and for generations to have fun together. It’s a tradition in our house, and you know how much I love the traditions. If you don’t have any, it’s never too late to start them and the next generation will thank you for them. My favourite tradition is doing the Christmas morning swim in Broadstrand, which celebrates its 50th anniversary this year and I’d say I’ve dipped for at least 40 of them. I always think of my lovely dad as I shriek my way in. There is always a divine hot toddy after and it’s perfectly fine to go home a bit squishy and delighted with yourself and with life, ignoring the pile of towels. I always say that I’ll change into something sparkly ‘later’ but I never do…sand between the toes is part of Christmas day for me!

Next up: this Christmas, call someone you haven’t spoken to in ages. Just pick up the phone and go for it. Don’t wait for a reason (which unfortunately is often to deliver bad news). Or suggest to a pal you go for a walk and don’t take no for an answer. Hug someone (preferably someone you know). Be extra nice to your husband or wife, or anyone in your day-to-day life you may take for granted. Once they get over the shock and realise you’re not looking for anything they’ll be delighted. They’ll probably still be a bit suspicious but that’s ok. 

Remember that fresh air is crucial. Lots of it. Open the windows, turn down the heating a few degrees and get out in the outdoors. Getting the blood moving is the cure for all ills. By all means take the foot off the gas and kick back a bit but remember that too much lazing about, along with too much sugar, alcohol, and TV will make you feel bloody awful.

This is a fact: someone will always be annoying, and in general all your work won’t be appreciated so don’t expect too much thanks and you won’t be disappointed. Nobody and nothing is perfect, despite what you might think, and if you need to shed some tears find a quiet spot (the bathroom or the car) and have a good cleansing cry. Remember, you’ll always feel better after giving your dog a good squeeze. They don’t have to stick around or like you, but they always do regardless. Also, light the candles. That makes everything feel better, and allow yourself at least one day where you don’t have to get changed out of your PJs. Now that would be a Christmas miracle! Keep the faith, we’re nearly there.