WOMAN ON THE VERGE: Easter eggcess is hard to avoid

Clocks going forward and rising fuel prices giving us reason to crave a few calorific chocolate treats

I can remember a time, clear as day, when no one drank water.

We never thought about it really except for a few sips with your dinner, and we definitely didn’t see the need to lug enormous bottles around with us to hydrate constantly as if we were going to expire on the spot otherwise. And we were grand. I think we were anyway.

Now though, it seems like protein is the new kid on the block. Forget about life goals (specifically getting to the end of the laundry basket), these days it’s all about hitting your protein goals. We’re being bombarded with this message, and people seem consumed by this, waking up in the middle of the night wondering if they’ve met their daily targets and stumbling to the fridge to ram more cottage cheese in their gobs if they haven’t. But here’s the thing right, I’m not bothering with it and so far, I’m grand. Now, when I say grand, I’m pretty wrecked, my concentration is poor and my hair is thinning, but more positively I’m not losing hours of my day to measuring my protein intake and compulsively consuming eggs. It’s very liberating. I suggest you give it a go.

Now the eggs I’m far more interested in are of the chocolate variety. The HSE’s clinical lead on obesity Dr Donal O’Shea has come out with his annual suggestion that we should adopt ‘a one egg per person’ approach this Easter. Some might call him a kill joy but I actually think he’s bang on the button with this one. He said the average kiddo gets seven eggs that each range between 1,000 and 2,000 calories. I mean when he puts it like that? And we also need to consider that lots of eggs can’t even be correctly called ‘chocolate’ as their cocoa content is so low. I suppose something can’t be right if you can buy a bag of mini ‘chocolate’ eggs for a few euro right?

Instead Dr Donal says to have fun choosing your egg of choice and have even more fun deciding how you’ll spend the €100 you haven’t spent on eggs (and I don’t think he means putting the cash towards crisps). Sound advice I think, and something that was always the way when we were growing up. I remember how everyone in the family would choose a different one and you’d have to be in quick to get dibs to your choice, and the biggest thrill was getting an egg that came with a mug.

Anyway, now that I’ve stripped all the joy from the poor Easter Eggs, let’s chat about how loads of people have moved their summer break forward to the Easter break instead. Lucky sods! This is a lovely time to go away as popular destinations aren’t too unbearably scorchio yet. I actually meant to suggest an Easter break to my household, and I think I started looking into it only to realise that because everyone else was doing the very same thing and there weren’t any real financial benefits be made – outside of not being boiled alive. So now we’ve got two long and hopefully lovely weeks around the place. Sure how bad, and as usual there’s a pile of jobs to be done.

The lawn has just had its first cut of the season and as Cat Stevens said, it really was the deepest. It was quite the job let me tell you, well from where I was observing anyhow and enough to make my husband break his Lenten fast, and knock back a Coke Zero. I can’t decide if the place looks better or worse yet, but the next cut will tell a lot. I had to bring a rattan sunbed out of the garage to get at the lawnmower in the first place which the dog subsequently enjoyed as a midnight feast. Jesus wept, there is still nothing safe when he gets in the mood. Between that disaster zone and it being nesting season and with splats of bird poop everywhere, the next job is the power wash. I better stock up on the Coke Zero. Just as well we decided to stay around.

Meanwhile, those who play winter sports will have been training all year, but for households like ours it’s great that the under-age are back at their GAA – it’s good for fitness, friendships and hopefully it’s fun for everyone. We’re still at the joyous stage where it’s all very local, with no 9am matches on Sundays in Kanturk or the like. Now, that takes real dedication – especially with the spiralling fuel prices. Perhaps parents in this cohort should be allowed a few mini eggs?

Finally, the clocks are going forward on Sunday. Or is it back? No it’s forward (don’t take my word for it, double check to be sure). So between that and all the training, gardening etc we’ll be wrecked altogether. I kind of like where we’re at right now in terms of daylight – the mornings are lovely and bright and we’ve a fairly decent stretch in the evenings. I’m not sure why our body clocks need to be messed about especially as my sleep is already all over the place. I can’t afford to lose another hour. And it’s not just me, experts say that the time change, among other things can impact heart health, increased fatigue and can even mess with our appetite hormones making us crave high calorie foods. Oh god, mini eggs for everyone in that case. Sorry Dr Donal!