What’s with all the Halloween merchandise? When is it okay to leave a WhatsApp group? And why all the fuss about The Traitors?

WARNING: there’s a rant incoming and a very predictable one at that. I popped into the shop the other today for one of those top-up shops that these days always seem to cost just slightly less than the main shop, so I’ll admit to being a bit on the cranky side from the get-go. The mood wasn’t helped when queuing to pay, I was confronted by a mountain of boxes of chocolates stacked to my left and right. Surely not for Christmas I thought? Or are they for Halloween? And since when did boxes of chocolates become a thing for Halloween? Also, why so soon? And why so many?

Anyway, this particular shop didn’t have one item I needed so I had to go to another shop (with my bad mood building nicely), and here I was met head-on with piles and piles of velvet pumpkins in every size imaginable, along with light-up, battery-operated ghosts and all sorts of ghoulish tat. It was the volume of stuff that struck me. If everyone in West Cork bought something, there’d still be tonnes left. One part of my brain felt outraged, and felt certain that we all needed to have a  spark of sense and stop buying into all this consumerism. The other part … wanted all of it. That’s merchandising for you! Just as well we were en route to go for a walk in the woods. A nice calming one. Well that was the plan.

My idea was for us to have a quick little saunter and to tick the do something worthwhile together as a family box. We headed to the very lovely Castlefreke where we unanimously decided to do the shortest loop possible (after all it’s the quality of the time together, not the quantity!). Best made plans and all the rest, because somehow we took a wrong turn (probably while arguing) and ended up on quite the trek. I’d have managed perfectly fine if I was on my own, I love walking, but the ten -year-old wasn’t impressed and boy, did she keep us informed on how she was feeling. Every step of the way.  I feel all negotiating teams should have a few ten-year-old girls on board. All disputes wouldn’t be resolved, but abandoned within the hour.

To be fair the humidity was off the scale and as we thought we were going on a 15-minute tick the box trot we didn’t have any water with us. We didn’t have any money either but luckily as we emerged from the forest and descended on to Long Strand the very sound folks in The Fish Basket took pity on our red heads and fed and watered us, trusting we’d return later.

So, rehydrated and restored, my husband declared we were only 20 minutes from the car. Hurrah! That gave us the lift we needed. Then after 20 minutes he said for sure, it was just another 20 minutes..give or take (another 20 minutes). Taking one look at our faces he said he’d take one for the team and jog back to get the car and come and get us. Before I could say that I’d do it (did I mention the whining?) he was gone for dust. ‘God speed!’ I roared after him (perhaps muttering something else as well). So on we trudged, contemplating foraging for blackberries or nettles to keep our strength up, or just giving up and throwing ourselves in the ditch, while looking expectantly at every car that appeared around the corner. It was touch and go at times. Fast forward another 20 minutes and I thought I heard some faint calling behind me. I turned around and what do I see only my husband jogging towards us! Turns out he had taken another ill-advised turn and had made absolutely no progress at all. It was every man and woman for him/herself at that stage. Let’s just say that when we finally got back to the car  it was a case of picture and no sound on the way home. Family walks are a bit over rated really. I might take up golf. You get to spend just as much time in nature – on your own!

On a totally different topic, has anyone had the nerve to leave a WhatsApp group? I’m part of quite a few groups that I no longer need to be but I’m not sure what the etiquette is around leaving. I can’t bring myself to hit the button that will announced to all the other members that ‘Emma has left the group’ because I feel it’s the equivalent of grabbing your bag, swishing your hair and marching out of a room. Just me? And what if they all start talking about me when I leave? How would I know? What if I miss something? Or am I finally gone properly mad? Send technical advice and moral support please!

I’m still trucking with ‘Traitors’. Dare I say I’m a bit bored with it now. I’ve taken to the bed with Donal Lynch’s new book ‘Where Are the Kings’ which is a joy and next on my list is Caitlin Moran’s latest called ‘How to be Hopeful’ which  must read before we plan our next family outing!

Finally, I made it to the ploughing championships for the very first time and I bought the Tshirt to prove it. And loads more stuff (at least no velvet pumpkins). More on this next week. I’m still in recovery!