DIARY OF A DEMENTED HOME WORKER: Things are starting to get all hot and steamy

DIARY OF A DEMENTED HOME WORKER: Week 17 and I’m thinking a family day out at Fota is as wild as things are going to get around here this summer

• YOU might imagine that whoever is responsible for handing out the ‘bad luck’ cards in life might have seen fit to give Dr Tony Holohan a ‘pass,’ or at least some kind of a break, wouldn’t you? I know I’m old enough to know it doesn’t work like that, but in fairness you’d have to wonder wouldn’t you? No words from me are going to change one bit the tough time facing our wonderful chief medical officer, but I thought RTÉ’s Brian Dobson captured it perfectly when he tweeted: ‘So many of us across the nation will be more sad than we can say at this news. As a wise person once said: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle of which you know nothing.”’

• It feels quite churlish to complain about anything this week, but (there’s always a ‘but’ isn’t there?), I’m beyond perplexed at the high numbers still not wearing masks when out and about. I really don’t get it and in fact I’m more than perplexed, I’m quite angry. Yes, they can be hot and a little uncomfortable; yes, if you wear glasses things can get a little steamy; but no, there isn’t a Covid-19 vaccine yet so just flipping wear one!!

• Rant over! So food trucks seem to be the way forward this summer, don’t they? They are popping up all over the place, and at a time where reservations are more necessary than ever (for the obvious reasons), they do allow for a little spontaneity if you really can’t face making another meal. Also, you’ve always had to queue for a food truck so it doesn’t feel like hardship at all. I’m a fan.

• Speaking of cooking, BBQs are like gold dust aren’t they? I stupidly didn’t predict that surge and totally missed the boat. We’ve a pizza oven that needs the gentle handling of a toddler on the verge of a meltdown – in other words it might light, or it might not. And if it does, it might take the length of time to drink several glasses of rosé to get hot enough, by which time you’ve pretty much gone off the whole idea (and you’ve eaten a tube of Pringles). So I decided a reliable gas BBQ was needed to reduce some of that awkward tension when you invite people over and no one’s quite sure if they’ll get fed or not. Anyway, looks like I’ll have to have keep my stash of Dr Oetkers on standby for a while yet.

• I take my hat off to lots of clever people who have spotted little gaps in the market caused by our new social distancing rules, and have gone for it. I saw something on social media about a mobile pub available to hire in West Cork. From the pictures it looked like a spot you could enjoy an authentic enough experience. A Macroom business is also making little ‘snug pubs,’ garden sheds that are kitted out like a pub, for your garden which are going down a treat. Although judging by the images of the huge crowds of people drinking on the streets of Dublin over the weekend, it seems most people still prefer the real thing.

• Personally, I still feel a little cowardly about dining out or going to a bar. I’m not going to judge anyone for doing it, and totally applaud the standards that are being maintained,  but there are a few too many ‘what ifs’ for me just yet. To be honest, it’s mainly ‘what if the people at the next table are from overseas and a country where Covid-19 is still rampant?’ That will probably make me wildly unpopular but I’ve said it now.

• Anyway, we’re off to Fota. I figure I’ll be able to cope with that just so long as those grotesque capybaras don’t look at me. I’ve really talked it up to the four-year-old as a  big deal and excitement levels are high. Bizarrely, she is beyond obsessed with the idea of seeing her ‘first real koala.’ I’ve just checked the website and there aren’t any. Oh for f ....

• Or as she’ll probably say herself: ‘Mary and Joseph’. It’s the latest thing. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was all about so I asked her and she says: ‘I’m just saying what you say all the time, but I’ve leaving out Jesus because you told me not to say that.’ Can’t argue with that.

• But Kanye throwing his hat into the ring for president, though? That’s seriously questionable. Yeezus like, what next?

• I’ve been to the hairdressers and it was as life-changing as I’d hoped, and far more nomral than I imagined. I do feel a little bad for those who haven’t got an appointment yet, but after sliding so far down that slippery slope into slobdon, almost past that point of no return, I’m taking all the professional help I can get.

• Oh, one last thing. Remember last week I was delighted when I got a surprise gift of a plant from my tidy towns group? Well this week I was at the checkout of the local co-op, when a lady joined the queue behind me with just a newspaper (I do believe it might even have been the Star!). I let her skip ahead as I was going to be a while and didn’t she only double back with a really large bar of chocolate for me! I was only delighted with myself. There’s more. I know I’ve kept you all hanging about the sorry saga of my swing chair. With no sign of a stand for the swing, the guy I bought it from has kindly offered to loan me one for the rest of the summer. Now we’re rocking. All I need now is the BBQ.