SIR – I share with you my letter to Santa Claus this year:
We don’t have to remind you, but you will be expected to adhere to our Covid-19 restrictions this year even that the current Taoiseach said you were free to travel everywhere, but please check with the real Taoiseach Leo first. Your reindeers are exempt from all travel regulations and with their mobile phone they will be able to automatically tap into all the children’s postal codes.
Santy, you may be allowed to make a brief stopover in Dublin to visit our new Dáil and see some of the surprises that lay in store for you since your last visit. FF, FG and Greens have now entered into some form of matrimonial arrangement with Micheál Martin singing ‘Save the last dance for me.’
Mary Lou is all ready to dance but nobody has of yet prepared to dance with her. Once she learns the foxtrot, she may attract some ‘cute hoors’ who are quite eager to feather their own nests.
As I put pen to paper to you, I feel that I must let you know that there will be many hundreds of thousands of people who will not be able to travel home for Christmas and the New Year due to the current Covid restrictions. Santy, with your supernatural power, we the people of Ireland implore on you to banish Covid-19 from our Emerald Isle.
One final note: if you get a chance to address the Dáil, please remind them that Boris has left our European family, taking a lot of billions of euro with him that may turn out the lights in many small towns and villages in rural Ireland.
Santy, don’t forget to spend the next twelve months learning to dance and you could end up being our next Taoiseach and then you can give real presents to those who need them most.
Happy Christmas, Santy.