There is a difference between being a victim of something traumatic or tragic, and developing a mindset shaped by a more general sense of victimhood.
So what does it mean to talk about a ‘victim mentality’?
The term refers to a way of thinking in which someone consistently sees themselves as a victim of circumstances or the actions of others, and feels helpless or powerless to change their situation.
It is often linked to what’s known as an external locus of control – the belief that we are at the mercy of forces beyond our influence.
Rather than feeling able to shape or respond to life events, the person may experience life as something over which they have little influence.
This way of thinking can make it difficult for a person to take responsibility for aspects of their own life.
Feeling unable to change their situation, they may develop a sense of resignation or defeat.
The focus often shifts toward what can’t be done, rather than what can.
People with this mindset may frequently revisit past experiences of being hurt or wronged.
A black-and-white view of right and wrong is common, and the person may struggle to empathise with others’ difficulties – for instance, thinking, ‘He’ll be fine – what he’s dealing with isn’t as bad as what I went through.’
There can be a sense that one’s own suffering outweighs everyone else’s.
It’s important to note that not all expressions of victimhood are rooted in the same place.
Many people who have suffered real trauma understandably carry a sense of hurt or injustice.
But there are also times when a person’s identification with victimhood becomes a tool – used, consciously or not, to gain power, deflect blame, or control others.
Public figures like Donald Trump, for instance, frequently use the language of victimhood – portraying themselves as persecuted by the media, the legal system, or political opponents – to rally support, sidestep accountability, and justify harsh or divisive views.
It can also show up in families, where a parent who consistently casts themselves as the injured party may undermine or manipulate others, especially children, by demanding constant sympathy or guilt.
In such cases, the language of victimhood can obscure rather than illuminate what’s really going on. And of course, a person might develop this mentality due to life experiences such as trauma, abuse, or neglect.
Growing up with uninvolved or overly critical parents can create a sense of powerlessness, leading to a self-image that centres on being hurt or mistreated. It’s entirely understandable that you might carry some of that helplessness into adulthood.
At the same time, someone may come to feel persistently powerless without having experienced overt trauma.
Reasons
So why do some people get stuck in this mindset – even when it no longer serves them and hurts their wellbeing?
There are several reasons. If you’ve thought and felt this way for a long time, it may feel like a part of who you are.
Change – even positive change – can be unsettling. Holding on to familiar patterns, even painful ones, can seem safer than venturing into unfamiliar psychological territory.
This mindset may also arise from a lack of internal resources.
When those tools aren’t available, it’s easier to fall back on blame, avoidance, or a sense of helplessness. The victim stance can also offer a kind of psychological protection: if others – or the world – are at fault, then you don’t have to confront your own missteps or limitations.
Finally, some people may – consciously or not – learn that being seen as a victim brings attention or care.
In certain dynamics, acting helpless becomes a way to influence others or avoid accountability.
Perhaps you recognise some of these patterns in yourself, and are wondering how to begin shifting them.
Or maybe someone close to you often “plays the victim” and you feel unsure how to respond.
In the next column, I’ll look at how we can approach these questions with honesty, care, and practical steps for change.
