Irish swimmer Shane Ryan has been scolded by Swim Ireland as he foreswears the noble pursuit of ‘clean’ sports like the Olympics for the lure of the Enhanced Games, a ‘new era in athletic competition’.

Basically, all bets are off and you can do or take what the hell you want before competing in the competition which will take place (where else) in Las Vegas next May.

The website is slick and moody, and links to a full line of testosterone replacement medicines, creams, and injectables for the would-be athlete.

The ‘declaration’ on the site is robust: ‘We, the pioneers of human enhancement, in order to unlock the full potential of human ability…protect the right of individuals to become extraordinary’.

To be honest, who won’t tune in to see what these ‘superhumans’ can do, full of unlimited performance-enhancing drugs?

Athletes are promised a generous fee, including appearance fees and rank-based bonuses.

It’s hard to say, as a mere mortal, whether the fascination of this sporting event is rooted in a macabre fascination with how dumb can people get, or in envy at those who aren’t content already to train in an inhuman manner, usually jogging at ungodly hours.

They’re not just training now – they’re doing it while high on drugs.

Although Lance Armstrong did it, and he does look well to be fair to him.

We’re in a post-satire world. What happens when sport reaches this pinnacle of excess?

What happens when we have men (and women) competing to take the most amount of steroids to lift the most and heaviest things possible for the longest time possible?

Does it circle back around to gladiator combat, where a Joe Rogan fan vows to take on a tiger and win and we’ll cheer him on? (The tiger, obviously). Panem et circenses: bread and entertainment.

Hares and hounds

These pages will remain politically neutral in light of the upcoming presidential election, but one thing to rage against is any implication that hunting, or any other form of animal cruelty, is the preserve and pastime of the mucksavages in rural Ireland.

The presidential candidate isn’t the first to make the claim that blood sports are part of a mystical, rural, culture of Ireland, but right now she is the most high-profile and vocal one.

There are foxes all over Dublin; it would be easier to don the red coats and bugle the hounds and trot all over Crumlin than it would be to cover miles of fields and ditches in pursuit of a madra rua in West Cork, or anywhere else outside of the cities.

It is a lazy notion that goes unchallenged, the rhetoric that country people are fond of seeing an animal screech or die for fun.

This nonsense that it is our ‘culture’ needs to die too; it is no more our ‘culture’ than a plastic St Patrick’s Day badge, or a carved-out pumpkin.

It’s been well marketed as our ‘culture’ though, if you search for a hunting holiday in Ireland.

Several sites offer ‘hunting packages; one website shows a lovely glamorous foggy Ireland featuring Dromoland Castle; you can also visit the company and see what they have to offer at the Dallas Safari Club’s annual convention in Texas, tagline: ‘Hunt big. Think bigger’.

Another site offers packages: $578 to go foxhunting for one day.

The experience has an extremely high rating of 9.4, includes access to ‘tracking dogs’, and to hire a gun costs €40 a day.

A wounded fox is considered to be ‘harvested’, according to the guides.

They find ever-more elegant terminology to avoid the words they really mean.

With a little more funds, you can go hunting a wild goat for a price of $6,354 for five days.

The experience includes one goat, plus a transfer to a taxidermist. It’s an extra €150 to follow a fox on your trip to dear old Eire, or another €1,800 for an extra shot at another goat. Alcoholic drinks are not included in the price. Yee haw.