DIARY OF A DEMENTED HOME WORKER: Biden my time until my next WhatsApp blooper

November 15th, 2020 6:25 PM

By Emma Connolly

Biden is famous for his bloopers, but looks like I’m only trotting after him!The Donegal postman is predicting a s****, sorry I mean white Christmas, which I could do without, to be honest.

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DIARY OF A DEMENTED HOME WORKER: Week 35 and it was all about the US election, a great win for Cork footballers and even better news on the vaccine front

• WHAT a week it’s been? Although let’s be honest I could probably say that every week couldn’t I? More specifically I’m referring to the US election. It took a lot out of me but we got there in the end and it was glorious. But almost as fabulous was having something else to be totally consumed by instead of Covid. Things almost felt normal again, although the lack of sleep from watching CNN was making me a big light-headed.

• That was about it really. Let me just check something here…ok, I need another 600 words or so, let me think. I was actually off work for a few days this week. Naturally I couldn’t go anywhere but it was still most enjoyable. I can see how if you didn’t work outside the home and had school-going kids you’d look much less of a wreck alright. On the other hand,  you wouldn’t want to be looking for too much job satisfaction. A few of the days when my husband got home from work, I made exaggerated gestures to highlight the spick and span surrounds after some serious cleaning stints. His reaction was pretty understated, so much so that I might as well have spent the day watching TV. Being able to open and close the hot press without a threatened avalanche of mis-matched sheets coming at me is, at least, making me very happy.

• In a socially-distanced chat in the queue for the school pick-up, myself and another mum agreed that having one week off every three months would be the perfect balance. I was saying it to my sister, who is a teacher, who said: ‘A bit like me so.’ God, how I wish when I was making my career choice that someone had really (really) stressed how much you’d appreciate regular, paid, time off as a grown up. And how when I repeatedly said to guidance counsellors that I wanted to work for National Geographic, that someone had asked me how much I liked jungles and wildlife (neither, very much). It could be worse, I suppose. After journalism, my next choice was hotel management.

• Remember how I was saying I needed a hobby? No? Well anyway, I’ve become a sea swimmer. Almost. I’ve gone twice since October, which is a pretty big deal as I don’t think I went even once all summer. I’ll admit to being a bit impressionable so of course now I want to invest in all the gear to look the part. I have a bit of form in this regard so I need to show restraint. When I first started the piano, I used to come home from school at weekends and in a very obvious way, play on my lap while giving sad eyes to my dad. I never made Carnegie Hall. In fact I quit a few weeks after the piano arrived and it became one of those ‘things’ we decided not to speak about. I might just start with the  gloves, though, as it’s kind of tricky trying to swim while holding your frozen hands out of the sea. I’ll hold off on the insulated booties just yet as I’m still traumatised by those white veruca socks our mum made us wear in pools when we were kids. As if the puppy fat wasn’t bad enough.

• I had a major Whats App blooper last Sunday morning. It was up there on the scale of Biden bloopers. I can laugh about it now but it took a lot out of me at the time. My sister and I do a weekly weigh-in, take a picture and send it to each other. Although we forget most weeks, so it’s all a bit pointless. But anyway, for some reason I felt last Sunday morning was the time to send her a picture of my un-pedicured feet standing on my bathroom scales showing my weight in all its glory, while also declaring my pre-Christmas weight loss goal. Except instead of sending it to her, I sent it to the work WhatsApp. It was there for around 20 minutes until a merciful colleague asked me nicely if I had meant to share it? Let’s just say that for the first time in ages, I’m quite glad to be working from home this week. Morto for myself, girl!

• Who watched Zig and Zag on Sunday night? I’m not sure if I remembered them being so… loud? And I didn’t win the €5,000 Aldi voucher either. The jury’s out.

• And the Donegal postman is predicting a white Christmas? This only works if you’re in a ski resort and it’s all a bit Last Christmas, but the reality is very different. In West Cork it will mean we’ll probably lose power, which will mean no water, and even if Covid restrictions allow our nearest and dearest to travel (from the next parish), this could scupper everything. 

•But in fairness this is a week for positivity. Outside of Trump leaving office (despite what he says), the Cork footballers win was something special. And not just because it was against Kerry –- c’mon we’re bigger than that (ahem). And then there was the optimistic feedback from Pfizer’s experimental vaccine. Might things be about to turn  for the better? Could 2020 be rescued yet?

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