DIARY OF A DEMENTED HOME WORKER: The long and short of Summer 2020

June 28th, 2020 6:25 PM

By Emma Connolly

I feel a bit like Charlie in Willie Wonka when he got the golden ticket, after getting a hairdresser appointment. Joy of joys!

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DIARY OF A DEMENTED HOME WORKER: Week 15 and things are finally looking up – I got a long-awaited hairdresser appointment and we’re all off on a little staycation

• HAVE you noticed lots of parents walking around looking like a load has been lifted, both off their shoulders and their dining tables? Yup, school’s out for summer – but not forever. On that lyrical note, to the powers that be, please don’t make it a day longer than the eight weeks we’re psyched up for. In the meantime, I think everyone is permitted at least five days of allowing kids eat cereal in their pjs in front of the TV until noon. If you’ve been doing that all along, dial it back to 11am. And it goes without saying that you can now bin the 89 million work sheets and print outs that have taken over your house over the past three months.

• We’ve decided to get away for a mini-break. I mean at this stage we all need that bit of distance to be perfectly honest. So we’re upping sticks and going camping in my mom’s garden  - next door - and we’re being joined under canvas by our Skibbereen cousins. It’s going to be…easy. There’s no packing involved, if we forget anything, no drama and if anyone gets cold feet, literally or figuratively, we won’t have far to go. I’m also really hoping that the Irish government will go ahead and give those €500 staycation vouchers per household they’re talking about.  In the meantime we’ll probably spend that amount on marshmallows for roasting and rosé for toasting ….it really is the most wonderful time of the year!

• Of course a major bonus of not actually leaving your own compound is that you don’t have to use public loos. I’ve issues with public toilets at the best of times but was horrified when scientists lifted the lid on how a Covid-laden plume could potentially fill the air after flushing. It just sounds too utterly horrible to even risk that coffee top-up (this would be a good spot to insert that green puke faced emoji).

• The longest day has been and gone. Hard to imagine that’s even possible but I want to flag up that I don’t, under any circumstances, want to hear any mutterings of the mornings getting darker, or that we’ve had our summer. Just stop it. Of course queuing outside shops and the like will be an awful lot different when temperatures drop and it’s raining but I think we’ll just deal with that when, and if, it happens. Maybe for the first time in my life I’ll actually be forced into buying a proper rain jacket.

• Speaking of queuing, it’s a bit of a dose isn’t it? There’s no such thing as ‘popping’ in and ‘grabbing’ something anywhere any more. And if you’ve a smallie with you, who you can’t leave alone in the car, it’s even more awkward again. For me, it’s totally done away with impulse purchases I’d otherwise indulge in on a passing whim. Run in and grab something for dinner? Nah… make do with what’s at home. Treat myself to a coffee? Era, I won’t bother. Pick up a bottle of wine? Ah sure, the queue seems to be moving fast enough.

• So I got the call, or at least the text, totally out of the blue last Monday from my hairdresser offering me an appointment.I was working for the first slot offered, but have another for next week. I figured I’d have weeks to wait so am absolutely ecstatic. I imagine my stylist will be less so when she sees the task in hand. I’m praying that a cut and colour will magically wipe out all the bad choices I’ve made over the past few months (mainly food/wine consumption). I’m deluding myself aren’t I?

• Lots of parishes have their new dates for communions and confirmations but they’re all obviously going to be far smaller events than originally planned. For starters, even if we wanted to, there simply can’t be the same emphasis on having the hair, spray tan and nails done, or the bouncy castle or huge party which is often for the adults and not the kids. Who knows? It might end up a nicer day than it would have been originally. Also, are we all agreed that DIY pedis just aren’t as easy to nail as you might imagine? That’s probably why closed toe sandals are having a bit of a moment this summer.

• In some more good news this week I got a refund on my car insurance, because of Covid-19 circumstances. It was only for €30 but I was delighted with myself all the same. In the same delivery I got a reminder from my accountant asking me to start getting my details together for end of year accounts. Kind of wrecked my buzz. Bit like RTE’s George ‘The Prophet of Doom’ Lee. Is it just me or does he need to lighten up a bit? But come here, the mornings really are starting to get a bit dark aren’t they?

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