WOMAN ON THE VERGE: This girl just wants to have fun

It took a random encounter with a hen party of ‘nuns’ this week in Clonakilty to make me realise that I’m in need of a ‘wee’ bit more fun in my life. Any chance Ed Sheeran might come back?

• I WAS walking down main street Clonakilty last Saturday afternoon, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I found myself surrounded by a group of gregarious ‘nuns’. By gregarious I mean they were possibly a bit tipsy, definitely quite full of joie de vivre. Anyway, they were all asking me (loudly) to sing My Lovely Horse from Fr Ted. It took a few seconds for the penny to drop, and realise that it was a hen party on some sort of a challenge hunt. Being completely caught off guard (more focussed on collecting dry cleaning and getting back home to do some weeding), and thrown by one ‘nun’ (she looked like the head sister), pointing a mobile in my face and recording me, I politely declined in a ‘rabbit caught in the headlights’ way and scurried off. But, coming out of the dry cleaners a short while later I caught wind of a more accommodating ‘victim’ giving it socks and everyone looking like they were living their best lives, and right in that moment, I felt like a proper old stuck-in-the-mud. It dawned on me that I was no fun at all. Zero craic, actually no, I was worse than that, I was minus craic.

• A few other signs came my way last week to suggest that I definitely need to start flexing the fun muscle a bit more in a ‘use it or lose it’ sort of way. Let’s start with Ed Sheeran. Even though there were tickets available and I hadn’t been at a live concert in god knows how long, and had no clashing engagement, I still didn’t make it to Páirc Uí Chaoimh. Would there be parking, I wondered? What would I wear? Would the teens laugh at my ‘sensible’ all-weather jacket? Would I need a little rug? Or a cushion at the very least? Would it be over very late? Would I need a disco snooze that afternoon? Would I need to pack snacks? Or a flask? And what about the toilets, would the queues be very long? And all of that was before I got to the fact that I don’t really know any of Ed’s songs at all, outside of Castle on the Hill. I talked myself out of it in the end, but judging by social media, I was among the 8% of the population to have made that call. Even Micheál Martin was there on the Friday night tweeting that it was ‘great to be back at a gig.’ Cue serious FOMO. Who had I become?

• Further proof that I am very much in the ‘need to get a life’ camp came when I was watching Selling Sunset on Netflix. Now, the new season is even duller than me, but more shocking was my reaction to the team of uber-glam real estate agents and their wardrobes. I found myself completely distracted, wondering how they actually work in their teeny mini-skirts, if their hair extensions hurt their necks and if their sky-high heels weren’t a tad dangerous? Also, I figured they couldn’t possibly type or text with their six inch talons, and that they all had to be seriously uncomfortable. I was an embarrassment to myself!

• Changing the subject, a ‘wee’ update on the dog if anyone is interested. The vet had warned us that her meds might cause her to start having ‘little accidents’ here and there. Not my girl, I told him indignantly. At first I was blaming the puppy for the random puddles that started appearing. But then her sheepish expression said it all. Let’s say it’s not a good idea to go bare foot round mine at the moment; and definitely don’t go by the five second rule. Or the three second. Something else sucking the fun out of things.

• What is making me happy is the fact that there’s no more daily Covid figures being announced. The information will be regularly updated and available on the Covid-19 data hub, but that’s it. Personally, at this stage in the pandemic I think it’s great, brilliant, fantastic, amazing, joyful. Take your pick of positive emotions. Although that might just be because I’m very invested in the Johnny Depp/ Amber Heard case right now and I don’t have much time to focus on anything else (it also got me thinking that being dull mightn’t be to bad after all!).

•Anyone who was lucky enough to be on one of the many boat tours off West Cork last weekend will have seen lots of whale and dolphin activity. I’m taking that as a sign some good weather might be on our way, fingers crossed. It’s gas (also a little embarrassing) that I’ve never actually been on such a trip, but can tick some of the seven wonders of the world off my ‘to see’ list (I think I have anyway...I surely have? If any of them are in Tenerife or Gran Canaria I definitely have). It’s a bit like when people go on a foreign holiday and they come back raving about the great fish, totally forgetting we live on an island ourselves (dishing up Donegal Catch doesn’t count). Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate what’s under your own nose (with the exception of dog wee) but I’m definitely on board for a local sea safari over the next few weeks. Why should those dolphins have all the fun?

• Now if only I could find that hen party again. I’ve been practising and I think I have what it takes to go viral: ‘I want to shower you with sugar lumps....’