SIR – My wife and I had a miscarriage a few years back and this is predominately how I came to have a better understanding of this very difficult subject.
What upset me was I thought miscarriages were not that prevalent until I realised that they were just not being talked about or given deserved prominence.
I had only ever had one conversation about it with a work colleague and that was because I was co-ordinating time off and other work logistics.
I do not think we would have discussed the topic otherwise and even still, we conversed almost in the shadows for fear anyone would know the content of our short discussion.
I know men are not great at talking about emotional issues, but that is something that needs to change.
Personally, what I felt after our miscarriage was that I wanted, almost needed, to talk to people about it.
It is mentally unhealthy to suppress the emotions that come with a miscarriage. There was a profound sadness in the loss of our potential son or daughter that was necessary for us to share.
What I found from talking to people about our miscarriage was a cluster of similar stories from both friends and family who had gone through similar difficulties and had shared our grief. It is sad, but it is not our fault. It can just happen. There is no need to be ashamed or embarrassed.
This should not be a taboo subject. It is estimated that 10 to 25% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, but happily most women who have miscarriages go on to become pregnant again and have a healthy child.
You should not feel ashamed to talk about it openly and, for the rest of the world, it is okay to listen, understand and empathise.