Savouring life’s joyful moments seems like the natural thing to do, yet many people do the opposite , and they downplay, dismiss, or distance themselves from joy.
For example, say you achieve something meaningful, or get a warm compliment, or share a happy moment with a friend, yet almost instantly, your mind steps in to dampen the experience.
‘It wasn’t a big deal’, ‘They were just being polite’, ‘This feeling won’t last.’ This habit of suppressing or neutralising positive emotions is known as dampening, and for many readers, especially those with depression or anxiety, it becomes an automatic response, robbing you of the full impact of life’s good moments.
Dampening is basically the opposite to savouring, as the following examples illustrate: ‘I got a promotion, but I probably won’t do well in the new role’, is a dampening thought.
‘I earned this promotion through hard work, and I’m going to enjoy it’, is a savouring thought.
‘I had fun with my friends today, but they were probably just being polite’, is a dampening thought. ‘That was a great time. I’m lucky to have these friends’, is a savouring thought. ‘That compliment doesn’t mean much, anyone could have done what I did’, is a dampening thought. ‘That was a kind thing to say. I appreciate it’, is a savouring thought.
Dampening is not uncommon, and it’s certainly not exclusive to depression, although it is more marked in depressed people. People with depression tend to dampen positive emotions instead of letting themselves experience them fully. Instead of enjoying a happy moment, they might reinterpret it negatively (‘This won’t last’, ‘I don’t deserve this’, ‘Something bad will happen soon’), or distance themselves from it.
Depressed people are also prone to ruminating on negative experiences while dampening positive ones, creating an emotional imbalance. As a result, it becomes more difficult to sustain happiness because the brain is trained to focus on negatives.
Indeed, research indicates that people often persist with negative cognitive habits like dampening even when their mood improves. This is one reason why depression often returns, because people keep using cognitive strategies that block positive emotions.
Dampening positive emotions isn’t a good idea. After all, past joyful experiences can serve as a psychological anchor in difficult times, offering comfort and a reminder that happiness is possible. Thinking back on good times helps us get through the bad times, helping us to build resilience and a sense of hopefulness.
Reasons
So why do people engage in dampening? Multiple reasons.
It can be an attempt at emotional self-protection. If someone has frequently experienced disappointment, loss, or pain, they may believe that allowing themselves to feel joy will only make future pain worse.
Happiness may be seen as temporary or fragile, so dampening can be an attempt to avoid the pain of losing it. Thus, someone enjoying a new relationship may think: ‘This relationship is great, but they’ll probably leave me eventually. If I don’t get too excited, I won’t be as hurt when things go wrong.’
Some people believe feeling too happy invites misfortune, leading them to mentally brace for bad outcomes (‘Things are going too well; something bad must be coming’) instead of enjoying good ones.
Others with low self-esteem may feel they don’t deserve happiness, leading them to downplay positive emotions (‘That compliment doesn’t mean much, they were just being nice’.)
Negative thinking can also become habitual. If someone is used to focusing on problems or what’s missing, they may struggle to engage with happiness, saying, ‘Sure, this was a good moment, but there’s still so much wrong in my life.’
There is also the obvious matter of social conditioning. For some people, their upbringing may have emphasised modesty, emotional restraint, or preparing for the worst, making dampening feel like the responsible thing to do (‘Don’t get carried away, it won’t last.’).
Dampening may feel like a protective mechanism, but in reality, it hurts our mood and denies us the full emotional richness of our experiences.
The good news is that, like any habit, it can be changed.
In my next article, I’ll explore practical ways to shift from dampening to savouring, focusing on how small cognitive and behavioural shifts can make positive emotions more lasting.
