Every summer needs a romcom, the blockbuster that thrusts us into a world of inane hope and stupid grinning.
The movie that says: I would have stayed for two thousand, and I would have paid four. The one that has you realising that you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible, and that you’d carried a watermelon, and that of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she had to walk into mine.
For the last number of summers we’ve had to drown instead under a sea of Marvel heroes and heroines and villains, but this year we have romantic redemption: Liam Neeson and Pamela Anderson.
The Ballymena man and Canadian lass are the heroes we don’t deserve but we definitely need right now.
Footage of interviews with the pair are almost cartoonishly idyllic. CJ Parker and Michael Collins, the crossover we were unaware we needed but here we are, grinning with joy for them both.
Ms Anderson’s career began in the ‘90s and was based, initially, on her unmistakable sex appeal, and more power to her for what she’s done with what god gave her. She has been a vocal and graceful advocate for animal rights for the entirety of her career, outspoken in supporting environmental conservation work.
Since the release of her documentary in 2023 (one of her sons among the producers), she’s shunned makeup altogether on the red carpet and elsewhere, and has proved as capable and stunning as she was in the red swimsuit years of the 90s.
The former Baywatch star has never spoken critically of her time with Playboy where she posed nude multiple times, nor in any great detail of the aftermath of the theft and subsequent distribution of a sex tape she made with her then-husband. The story of her career is, on the whole, positive, despite the ruination that was predicted by many on the occasion of her first, second, and most probably her fourteenth centrefold. A life born in the porn industry, albeit in magazine form, did not augur poorly for Pam.
This brings us to Bonnie Blue, the modern-day embodiment of extreme feminist autonomy. Blue, an OnlyFans star, has made a name for herself for, amongst other things, having sex with over 1,000 men in 24 hours. A Channel 4 documentary on the achievement has been released, and it is eerie for how normal it, and she, seems.
Bonnie is incredibly self-possessed and erudite on her subject and on her occupation. At 26, she is cheerfully distant and uninterested in modesty or coyness. She’s been called everything – a slut, a slapper, a sexual predator.
She’s been criticised for targeting ‘barely legal’ young men, i.e. 18-year-olds. In response Bonnie points out that if they’re old enough for war, they’re old enough for sex. It’s hard to argue with her reasoning.
The most disturbing aspect of the documentary is her younger OnlyFans colleagues. One girl, at 21, has been a ‘star’ on the porn platform for three years already. The industry is very normalised, and widely promoted on even ‘normal’ platforms like Instagram.
Bonnie, by the way, makes about £2 million a month; her supportive family are on the payroll. She’s not a stupid young girl, and apparently is going into this with her eyes wide open. Despite Bonnie’s frankness, candour, and confidence, it is impossible to support what she’s doing no matter how liberal your thinking.
That said, in principle, it is not one bit different to Pamela. It is a young woman using what god gave her: no qualms whatsoever, a high degree of athletic fitness, and a public platform for her ‘art’. She and others like her are young, and the road is long. One fears, however, that Pamela’s happy ever after is the exception, and not the norm of a life in sex work.
