WOMAN ON THE VERGE: Sucked deep into the world of hoovers

Modern mops and vacuums so powerful that nothing in the vicinity is safe … I can’t get enough of either! It turns out I’m not alone in my obsession with an online community sharing their tips and tricks. Who knew lemons were so versatile?

• THIS week I’m going to share a cautionary tale that shows how easy it is to get caught up in something grimy and murky, that can take over your life, or at least a lot of your scrolling time. I’m talking hoovers, or I should say vacuums. I’ve been sucked in deep, so deep, into the world of the electrical appliance and I’m in my absolute element; or what’s that the youngsters say – hashtag living my best life.

I’ve always had an above average interest in them, even from a young age. Hoovering was always my favourite job to do around the house as a child and I’d have the hoover pulled out at every chance for a quick run around (except there was nothing quick about those ancient models that weighed a tonne and usually just moved the dirt around the place!). I also adored that ‘Shake and Vac’ TV ad (‘put the freshness back’) and had that sprinkling technique mastered to perfection (in hindsight I was probably an unusual kid). 

Anyway, I had my ‘above average interest’ in check until last week when in an exercise class, the girl on the bike next to me, started talking about a cordless Henry she had just bought and how and it was out of this world. ‘How out of this world?’ I asked, looking for specifics. She was blown way she said – and so was every bit of dust in her house.

I had already decided that my next investment would be a Shark after hearing brilliant reviews – I mean even the name is impressive, so now I’m torn. The vicious Shark or the more benign sounding Henry?

The thing is I don’t even need a hoover as I already have two. A sturdy plug in that’s a few years old but does the job fine, and a pricey cordless that’s impressive, but needs delicate handling. When it’s on form, my god above, what it doesn’t suck up … it’s frightening. I’m not surprised the dog runs when she sees me coming.

An added bonus is that you have to move fast before the battery dies (probably 15 minutes when it’s on full power) so you get a mini work out done too. 

When it comes to mopping there's no substitute for elbow grease, says Emma. (Photo: Shutterstock)

• Anyway, who remembers the formidable duo Aggie and Kim? That’s Aggie MacKenzie and Kim Woodburn who had a TV show in the called ‘How Clean is Your House?’ Aggie (or it could have been Kim) once said she used to vacuum her way out of the house before she went on holidays, which some people thought was a bit odd, but to me sounded like bliss. The one thing I hate about going on holidays is that epic task to shut down the house before leaving: empty the bin, the washing machine, the fridge, squirt Domestos down the drains, pretty much everywhere etc. That’s sort of how I’m wired (I’ve tried to fight it, no luck), so to niftily hoover your way out the door is a life goal I’m not about to give up on yet!

• These past few weeks I’ve also become slightly addicted to looking at people’s cleaning tips and tricks online. Turns out there’s a whole community of people as crazy as me out there, just that most of them live in the US.

Anyway, for what it’s worth, here are a few handy things I’ve picked up which I thought I’d share: cut a lemon in half, dip it in baking soda and smear it over your hob and leave for 30 minutes for an instant degrease; sprinkle salt, baking soda and washing up liquid on the underside of a dirty pan, cover it in tissue and pour white vinegar over, and voila, it’s as good as new; or how about this one: soak a cotton ball in your favourite essential oil and put it in the filter of your hoover to make the place smell nice. Clever right?

Disclaimer: I haven’t actually trialled any of these yet as I’ve been too busy with all my research to do any actual cleaning of late. But basically, there’s nothing that lemon, baking soda and vinegar can’t remove with a bit of elbow grease. 

• Mops are another weakness of mine. Is anyone still with me? I was always taught by the older and wiser people in my life that you have to go down on all fours to really clean a floor, and I agree. But a while back I invested in this electric gliding mop which promised to change my life in a way that it didn’t. At all. I’ve gone back to the basic mop and bucket combination which is hard to beat, for now. But with all my online scrolling of late, I’m being targeted by cleaning ads and products in a huge way, and I recently came upon a mop designed especially for walls and skirting boards. Oh my word (and my knees) – the joy! 

Finally, what about the genius creation otherwise known as the water vac? The what now? It’s a device like a hoover that sucks up all the otherwise unseen grime and gunk from fabrics and upholstery. I spend more time than I should fantasising about what I could lift off the rug where the dog lies in state in the TV room,  not to mind the bedroom carpets (where shoes are banned but no one listens to me) and the car seats (that would probably be too horrifying). I think I’ll put one on my Santa list. I was going to ask for a robotic vacuum but knowing me I’d only have to go back over the job myself again afterwards. Just to be sure like.