ALL this fabulous weather we’ve been enjoying has unleashed an unexpected passion in me ... a burning desire for hardware shops. I know! I didn’t see that one coming either. I popped in to a local one the other day to collect one particular innocuous item, some wood filler. I expected it to be a three-minute mission, five at most, but an hour later I was still browsing the aisles, trance-like, in wonder at it all.
I’m not sure when I had last set foot in such a shop, and my idea of this kind of establishment was that it was for basic (boring) stuff like nuts, bolts, pipes, screws (same as nuts?) etc.
How things have changed. It was like stepping into another world with so much to tempt and tantalise with everything from garden lights, to the latest patio power washers (my particular weakness), to BBQ accessories, and sprays that promised to clean everything and anything in jig time. I was like a kid in a sweet shop – all I was missing was a tool belt (which, by the way, was also available and which I nearly bought – maybe next
time).
Now, it was the cleaning stuff that really ‘intoxicated’ me as I’m a bit of a cleaning fiend. For my last birthday I asked my family to buy me this top of the range, all singing and dancing steam cleaner. Naturally I was influenced by something I had seen online but typical me, I never read the small print, and it turns out it’s not compatible to use on my floors which was my main reason for wanting it in the first place. That was a bit of a setback but not to worry – I’d say I’ve got the shiniest taps in all the parish so all is not lost.
I took it to my sisters recently to let it rip at her aga top which was a bit, you know, crusty (hey, no judgement!). It made short work of it, but there was just one slight problem: some water got into the inner works and the oven didn’t work for a few days. I must have gone a bit too heavy with the steam. I do tend to get a bit carried away alright.
I’ll never forget the time I tried to clean dried-in Weetabix (again no judgement) from my sister’s (very expensive) leather island stools with what looked like a fairly innocent bleach cleaner. A few spritzes in and steam started to rise before my eyes and the leather started to hiss, crack and peel.
My heart rate still picks up a bit even thinking about that, but to be fair she took it really well, and the cushions do a good job in covering up the wreckage (soz again about that sis!).
That probably wasn’t as bad as the time I wore her brand new faux-fur coat on a night out in a crowded bar and someone bumped into me with a cigarette and more or less set the whole thing alight (this was in the late 90s when you could still smoke indoors ... mind-blowing now when you think about it). Let’s just say I have a poor track record when it comes to damaging my sister’s stuff which makes me a bit nervous as I’ve borrowed quite a lot of her ‘stuff’ for the communion. May the lord protect it!
Anyway, the reason I was in the hardware shop at all, like I said, was to get the wood filler as my husband was on annual leave for a few days and there was a bit of wood filling, and general maintenance to be done around the
place.
Strangely, I have to say that having him around the place during the week threw us all (well mainly me) off-kilter. He’s normally out the door by 6.30am which makes me head honcho of all morning operations and having him around was really
distracting.
The first morning he had the audacity to switch the dial on the radio station from 96FM to Radio One’s Morning
Ireland which, well which wasn’t on. Myself and my sidekick like to get the day started with a bit of a kitchen disco, get the blood flowing and the positive vibes vibrating: hearing about Trump’s latest nonsense was wrecking our chakras.
Then he tried to initiate friendly conversation over coffee which pushed our teeth brushing three minutes behind schedule,
and next he distracted the child with some puppy playing and in the end we were lucky to get out the door in time at all.
By day three though we had found our stride and we went a bit mad and had a ‘day date’ – basically we did the weekly shop together in Dunnes. It was more romantic than it sounds. Actually, I’m joking, it wasn’t a bit romantic especially when he tried to make me go Dutch on the positively scary bill. It surely can’t be just me who thinks the cost of living has gone even more
mental?
Anyway he’s back to work now and my radio dial is untouched (which is not a double entendre for anything), and given my little taster of what retirement might look like (if we’re lucky), I’m spending a bit more time working on my hobbies ... DIY of course!
Finally, it’s very much old news at this stage but what about those power cuts in Portugal and Spain? Bonkers or what? I’d probably be relatively alright in situations like that as I’m old school and always like to have a bit of cash on me for emergency situations.
You know, for when you when you want to press a fiver into a child’s hand for an ice cream (whispering ‘don’t tell your mother now’) or for the collection at mass – sure what good is tapping your phone in situations like those?
To be honest, I was far more freaked out to hear about the cyber attack on Marks and Spencer – mainly as I’m afraid the hackers will reveal the size of my undies I buy from them! The world’s gone a bit mad alright if you ‘drill’ down
into it.
