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Astrology sites get more ‘hits’ than football websites!
I HAVE a friend who is the sort of woman who can unblock your drains, mend the strimmer, will water your plants, feed the cat, fix the video-computer and still have time to discuss everything from roofing tiles to when you need to start taking malaria pills for a trip to Asia. Helga is, however, despite her admirable practical abilities, completely nuts, and I am spending the whole of next week with her while we care for a sick friend together. Luckily, she is a dear friend and I will survive – just.
I happened to mention to her that I was amazed to discover that astrology sites had received more hits on Google than football and that if you search for an Irish astrologer on the internet you get 2,260 websites to visit. I suggested that this was a baffling state of affairs, as I could not, for the life of me, see how the fact that Sagittarius was rising or Aries was falling at the moment that I chose to make my debut on this earth, could have one speck of an affect on anything in my life, except for weather fronts and night following day. Furthermore, had my darling father had one too many whiskeys on the night of my conception I might have been born a week later, which would presumably have completely changed my life with the stars.
Instead of instantly demonstrating agreement with my thesis by making soothing noises and a large pot of tea, she replied: “Well, you know – there is something in it. I read my stars every day. I’m a typical Scorpio and my mum’s a typical Leo.”
SO SUGGESTIBLE
I remonstrated that we are all so suggestible. It is easy to apply everything you read in your horoscope to your own situation. As soon as your zodiac sign claims that “Some small problem at home – plumbing or wiring or something smaller – won’t go away. Now is a great time to deal with this type of issue, as your mind is more fully focused on practical concerns,” you rush off to look at the plumbing and find you are up to your knees in sewage. I would say you would be focused alright.
Then: “Deeper levels of intimacy are attainable this weekend, Pisces, but that won’t happen by closing your eyes and making a wish.” No! Get down to the pub this minute and start circulating, girl.
“What star sign are you, then?” she asked unabashed. I sighed and she smiled, “Well I find reading my stars very helpful.”
She is wholeheartedly accepting of every one of the healing alternatives too, whether they actually work or not; although of course many alternatives and complementary therapies are very effective. There are, however – you have to agree – some that really do stand on the brink of batty. These range from the likes of electronic voice phenomena, natural breast enhancement, Kendra-Music therapy for rejuvenation, therapy rings, and how about the Hypnosis Diploma Course on Business?
I should not have been surprised. After all, this is the woman who told me in all seriousness she felt that her house ghost was Merlin the magician and that he lived in the bottom of her garden and protected her. I said that I thought Merlin was Welsh and anyway the poor fellow must have suffered with his joints a lot recently what with the awful wet summer we have had.
We met after many years of separation, through one of those strange West Cork coincidences that are so commonplace as to be unremarkable. Helga and I worked together when we were in our early twenties and had even spent holidays together. Nevertheless, we drifted apart, living in different countries, her in Germany and me in England, so we had not seen each other for years.
FRIEND IN COMMON
Then, when I moved to West Cork, a friend we had in common said that she felt sure that Helga had also moved to Ireland and that she would root out her address and phone number. Dunmanway, would you believe, so for a while she lived here in Ireland and we met regularly.
Whenever we are anxious or ill, we tend to clutch at straws and will try every crackpot treatment or accept every smidgen of comfort to be gleaned from being told that all will be well. I feel that many fortunetellers, for example, may be utterly sincere, but some must be charlatans. After all it would be a great way to make money, especially for the more unscrupulous person: no responsibility or accountability required for sometimes dangerous advice at a substantial fee.
Now I have to reveal my dark secret. My own grandmother used to tell fortunes, although not for money, but to support local fund-raisers. She said that she would make it up as she went along but that she was amazed how often she got it right. “You can read so much by the way people present themselves to you. You can almost tell what they are yearning to hear.”
As for the reading of the stars, there are over 200 great astrologers described in the internet encyclopaedia Wikipedia although I did spot that some of them were a little past their best, namely Antiochus of Athens, Benjamin Franklin and Hippocrates. There are Irish astrologers cited too, most famously Cheiro, who died in 1936. Cheiro was a supposed clairvoyant who taught palmistry (or cheiromancy), astrology and Chaldean numerology.
Cyril Fagan, another Dubliner, who died in 1970, established a new field called tropical astrology.
Then there is William Butler Yeats one of the foremost figures of 20th century literature. He was a pillar of the Irish literary establishment and was an Irish senator for two terms. Yeats had a life-long interest in mysticism, spiritualism, occultism, and astrology.
One thing I know for sure, however, despite Helga’s propensity to accept all things unknown and unseen, she does possess such an optimistic approach to life that her faith will be most welcome as we sit with our friend. She is always sunny and completely confident that everything will turn out well and, in the week to come, that will be half the battle.